8 Captains Blog

So after hearing Alex Fergusons rant about referee Alan Wiley being a little bit podge I thought it would be a great time to pull out the classic “Manager Quotes”.

Ferguson as always has something to say, and if it isn’t going his way then it can’t be solely down to the fact that Ben Foster f*cked up! but I suppose no manager should air his dirty linen in public and I am sure Foster got the hair drier treatment from the red faced alcoholic “sweaty sock”.

Anyway away  from the ranting and raving. Managers have been renouned for coming out with the most ludicrous statements, so as usual I have trawled the web (gone a bit further than Skysports this time) to bring some classic manager quotes.

Bill Shankly

“If you are first, you are first. If you are second, you are nothing.” The winning philosophy.

“Some people believe football is a matter of life and death. I’m very disappointed with that attitude. I can assure you it is much, much more important than that.” The most famous of Shankly lines.

“Football is a simple game based on the giving and taking of passes, of controlling the ball and of making yourself available to receive a pass. It is terribly simple.” How Shankly’s teams played.

“Of course I didn’t take my wife to see Rochdale as an anniversary present. It was her birthday. Would I have got married in the football season? Anyway, it was Rochdale reserves.” Shankly rejects suggestions he is not the romantic type.

“The trouble with referees is that they know the rules, but they do not know the game.” An oft-repeated remark.

Brian Clough

“If God had wanted us to play football in the clouds, he’d have put grass up there.”   On the importance of passing to feet.

“I wouldn’t say I was the best manager in the business. But I was in the top one.” Looking back at his success.

“Manchester United in Brazil? I hope they all get bloody diarrhea.” On Man Utd opting-out of the FA Cup to play in the World Club Championship.

“I can’t even spell spaghetti never mind talk Italian. How could I tell an Italian to get the ball – he might grab mine.”  On the influx of foreign players.

“I bet their dressing room will smell of garlic rather than liniment over the next few months.” On the number of French players at Arsenal.

“Rome wasn’t built in a day. But I wasn’t on that particuar job.”   On getting things done.

“I only ever hit Roy the once. He got up so I couldn’t have hit him very hard.” On dealing with Roy Keane.

Jose Mourinho

“If I had wanted to be protected in a quiet job, I could have stayed at Porto. I would have been second, after God, in the eyes of the fans even if I had never won another thing.”

Upon his arrival at Chelsea in 2004, Jose had the hacks purring with his quotability. Above is just one of the nuggets he came out with when asked about his decision to take on a high profile gig at Stamford Bridge.

“For me, pressure is bird flu. I’m feeling a lot of pressure with the problem in Scotland. It’s not fun and I’m more scared of it than football.”

“I think he is one of these people who is a voyeur. He likes to watch other people. There are some guys who, when they are at home, have a big telescope to see what happens in other families. He speaks, speaks, speaks about Chelsea.”

Besmirching Arsene Wenger’s reputation in October 2005, a remark for which Jose later apologised.

“As we say in Portugal, they brought the bus and they left the bus in front of the goal. I would have been frustrated if I had been a supporter who paid £50 to watch this game because Spurs came to defend.”

Accusing Tottenham Hotspur of failing to make a game of it in the wake of a 2004 Premier League tie, coining another catch-phrase in the process.

And the quote that launched a thousand opinions; When he arrived at Chelsea as Champions League-winning manager, some doubts existed over his suitability to work, and indeed, win in the Premier League. Water off a duck’s back, the phrase goes.

“Please don’t call me arrogant, but I’m European champion and I think I’m a special one.”

Sir Bobby Robson

We didn’t underestimate them but they were a lot better than we thought – after England sneaked through against Cameroon in the 1990 World Cup.

The first 90 minutes are the most important.

I’m not going to look beyond the semi-final – but I would love to lead Newcastle out at the final.

If we start counting our chickens before they hatch, they won’t lay any eggs in the basket.

There will be a game where somebody scores more than Brazil and that might be the game they lose.

Steve Hodge has been unfit for two weeks, well, no, for 14 days.

Look at those olive trees – they’re two hundred years old – from before the time of Christ! – Sir Bobby illustrates how great life is in Barcelona.

He never fails to hit the target – but that was a miss.

Sir Bobby to Bryan Robson: Good morning, Bobby. Bryan: You’re Bobby, I’m Bryan!

Alex Ferguson

“If he was an inch taller he’d be the best centre half in Britain. His father is 6ft 2in – I’d check the milkman.” (Sir Alex Ferguson on Gary Neville)

“Pippo Inzaghi was born in an offside position.” (Sir Alex Ferguson on Pippo Inzaghi after finding out that Pippo is the most offside player in the football ever.)

“As with every young player, he’s only 18.” (Alex Ferguson on youngsters)

“It was particularly pleasing that our goalscorers scored tonight.” (Alex Ferguson on scoring goals)

“If we can play like that every week, we’ll get some level of consistency.” (Alex Ferguson on consistency)

Gordon Strachan

Reporter: Gordon, Do you think James Beattie deserves to be in the England squad?
Strachan: I don’t care, I’m Scottish!

Reporter: “Gordon, can we have a quick word please?”
Strachan: “Velocity” [walks off]

Reporter: Welcome to Southampton Football Club. Do you think you are the right man to turn things around?
Strachan: No. I was asked if I thought I was the right man for the job and I said, “No, I think they should have got George Graham because I’m useless.”

Reporter: Is that your best start to a season?
Strachan: Well I’ve still got a job so it’s far better than the Coventry one, that’s for sure.

Reporter: Are you getting where you want to be with this team?
Strachan: We’re not doing bad. What do you expect us to be like? We
were eighth in the league last year, in the cup final and we got into
Europe. I don’t know where you expect me to get to. Do you expect us
to win the Champions League?

Reporter: Gordon, you must be delighted with that result?
Strachan: You’re spot on! You can read me like a book.

Reporter: Gordon, Agustin Delgado? (after Delgado went AWOL)
Strachan: I’ve got more important things to think about. I’ve got a yoghurt to finish by today, the expiry date is today. That can be my priority rather than Agustin Delgado.

Reporter: This might sound like a daft question, but you’ll be happy to get your first win under your belt, won’t you?
Strachan: You’re right. It is a daft question. I’m not even going to bother answering that one. It is a daft question, you’re spot on
there.

Reporter: Bang, there goes your unbeaten run. Can you take it?
Strachan: No, I’m just going to crumble like a wreck. I’ll go home, become an alcoholic and maybe jump off a bridge. Umm, I think I can
take it, yeah.

Reporter: There’s no negative vibes or negative feelings here?
Strachan: Apart from yourself, we’re all quite positive round here. I’m going to whack you over the head with a big stick, down negative
man, down.

Reporter: where will Marion Pahars fit into the team line-up?
Strachan: Not telling you! It’s a secret.

Reporter: You don’t take losing lightly, do you Gordon?
Strachan: I don’t take stupid comments lightly either.

Reporter: So, Gordon, in what areas do you think Middlesbrough were better than you today?
Strachan: What areas? Mainly that big green one out there

Ian Holloway

“I don’t see the problem with footballers taking their shirts off after scoring a goal. They enjoy it and the young ladies enjoy it too.

“I suppose that’s one of the main reasons women come to football games to see the young men take their shirts off. Of course they’d have to go and watch another game because my lads are as ugly as sin,” was just one of his quotes from the past.

“To put it in gentleman’s terms, if you’ve been out for a night and you’re looking for a young lady and you pull one, you’ve done what you set out to do. We didn’t look our best today but we’ve pulled. Some weeks the lady is good looking and some weeks they’re not.

“Our performance today would have been not the best looking bird and at least we got her in the taxi. She may not have been the best looking lady we ended up taking home but it was still very pleasant and very nice, so thanks very much and let’s have coffee.”

“Right now, everything is going wrong for me – if I fell in a barrel load of boobs, I’d come out sucking my thumb.”

Others

That’s great, tell him he’s Pele, and get him back on – John Lambie, Partick Thistle Manager, when told his concussed striker did not know who he was.

“You can compare us at the moment to a bit of soft porn – there is an awful lot of foreplay and not a lot going on in the box.” Rochdale manager Keith Hill reflects on their 2-1 home defeat by Stockport.